“I need a break!” not just any break, but a real break one where you truly checkout of life as you know it and just stop, recharge and finally start to refill the empty cup you have been pouring from for way to long. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband and kids and would do anything for them in a heartbeat but my cup has been neglected and has been as dry as the Sahara Desert for way too long. I can see my patience, tolerance, compassion and empathy levels all disappearing. The things that make me are fading very fast and being replaced by a stressed out, over tired, anxious and resentful woman I don’t recognise.
The thing is there is always something, ‘the kids need to go to x,y, z.’ We needed to catch up on the to do list’, the renos, the up keep of the property, our little one being sick. I always saw these things as reasons why I could never go away instead of reinforcements of why I actually need a break; and so the vicious cycle continued.
But today I hit a point, and instead of doing what I usually do decided instead to throw my pride out the window and my superwoman costume away and say enough.
I stopped worrying what others would think, all the judgements and criticism I would get for leaving hubby and the kids to fend for themselves whilst I go somewhere to just do absolutely nothing. I stopped telling myself that I could and had to do it all. Giving 110% all the time is exhausting. Instead I decided to give to myself as much love and nurturing as I do to my little family.
So here I am. Sitting in bed in one very beautiful hotel that has been on my wish list for forever. Listening to nothing but the rain and birds chirp, in what feels like my own little secluded oasis in the rainforest. A place where I can just stop and breath and take a little time to reconnect with myself.
For the next 3 days I can:
- Sleep – whenever I want
- Eat – Whatever I want
- Watch – Foxtel, movies on demand… anything anytime
- Walk – through the rainforest to the beach anytime I want
- Study – I have one module to go on a course I have loved so much but put on the back burner and let life get in the way
- Pamper – Get a much needed pregnancy massage or facial or both
- Bath – have an uninterrupted soak in the bath or even a long uninterrupted shower
- Read – any and everything
Or just do absolutely nothing.
We live in such a fast paced world, where the majority of us live without our village. We try and build tribes to compensate and if we are lucky we succeed, but if we don’t it makes us feel even more inadequate. Social media has become the wolf in sheep’s clothing offering us connection but leaving us feeling even more lonely and inadequate. The stress, the guilt and the pressure to be more and do more is ever growing. It’s no wonder we get ourselves in a tizzy and get stuck in a rut.
I’m not sure how to get off the crazy hamster wheel, but I am going to start with a bit of self care, honesty and down time because I miss that woman I use to see in the mirror and I know she’ll come back if I stop overworking and neglecting her and instead gave her as much love and attention as I do my little family.
More Motherhood reads: Through the eyes of a child or It’s all about the Journey