a motherless mothers day mothers day with no mum

A Motherless Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is such a bitter sweet day for me. As it draws near I feel myself getting a bit anxious and my heart getting a bit heavier. I know I won’t be able to share any new ‘mum and me’ photos on social media and when Sunday comes around and I see photos of friends with their arms draped around their mum’s neck as they pose for a photo I am sure I will feel a ping of envy.

I long for those photos, the new mum and me photos taken over a Mother’s day brunch or lunch, or the generation shot of my mum, kids and I but there will be no photos or moments captured and I imagine it will hurt just the same as it did last year. 

IMG_7045Whether your mum was taken from you or if she just walked away the pain is soul crushing. That loss and that unspeakable heartache. That feeling of abandonment, that desire to pick up the phone and say “Mum, I miss you”. That loneliness that comes with knowing that your cheerleader, that one person you could count on that had your back is no longer there. The knowledge of knowing that each day your kids get older is another day they never get to know their nanna. Or the fact that they have mannerisms like her but they will never realise that they do. This tidal wave of emotions always builds up and then comes crushing down on these milestone days. Mother Day, Christmas, Birthdays and there is nothing that makes it better.IMG_7003

There are things people say to try and comfort and I know they mean well. The thing is, there are somethings people do not want to hear because it just doesn’t help the situation. Here are 4 examples:

Just embrace your kids 

Just because I am a mother doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t lessen the pain and as all consuming as young children are they will not replace what’s missing no matter how cute and loving they are. If anything it will remind me of the past, of what I did have and what is now gone.

At least you get the day to yourself and don’t need to share it with anyone 

Since becoming a mum I have shared every Mother’s day with either my mum or Mother in Law except for the last one (and this one coming up) and I would much rather share a 100 more than to do another one alone. Mother’s Day isn’t just about me and I am no more important than another mother or even my own mother.

Oh that’s tough, I can’t imagine what I’d do without my mum she’s my best friend 

Mother’s can be your best friend, your worst enemy or something in between. My mum and I have had a roller coaster ride. IMG_7029 I think most people have. For me those early teen years until my 20’s were challenging. But then we become close again. Now, well, now I am here writing about how hard it is without her. The thing is, whether they have passed away or walked away we don’t need to ‘imagine’ what it would be like because for us it’s a harsh reality and hurts. We’ve had to learn from it and grow from it. We’ve had to because we have no one to run to when life gets hard. No one to run to when we are sick or feel like we are failing as a wife or a parent.

There are things we instinctively want to turn to our Mother’s for. For my kids, it’s nurture, comfort and lots of cuddles and for others it might be something else. But we all have that thing that we can only get from our mum and it’s tough when we can’t get it anymore.

Go talk to your mother if you miss her that much 

There are 3 sides to every argument, your side, their side and the truth. IMG_7030 Sometimes you only know one side or even half a side if the person you speak to is private and only gives part of the situation away. Either way, you may want to consider something before you say it again. Maybe they have tried, maybe they did extend the olive branch and it was rejected, or maybe they are just to scared because they know how much it hurt when they lost them the first time. Remember you will never know the whole story so please don’t just assume, like the saying goes ‘It makes an ASS out of U and ME.”

So for those of you who have your mum and or mother in law in your life, love them, hug them, embrace all the good and the bad; because at the end of the day, those moments even the really bad ones are precious memories that will replay in your mind over and over again… especially on days like Mother’s Day.

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